FIFA should embrace technology because right now it’s making fools of them. Yesterday there was the England none-goal, which although irrelevant to the final score was so far across the line it would have made a truthful man out of a fisherman. Then there was the Argentina goal – the referee and the linesman stood on the line discussing what was ultimately the wrong decision while their incompetence and embarrassment was being played out on the screens around the stadium.
There are little cameras in the back of the goal which only serve to make clowns out of the officials – and more of a clown out of Blatter – and to amuse the crowd, but never to make a coherent decision or achieve justice. The cameras are there because football is addicted to television money – just like Blatter.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
What can you do when there’s nothing to be done?
England were rubbish against Egypt, Mexico and Japan, they were rubbish against USA, Algeria and Slovenia, and they were rubbish against Germany. So what is to be done?
Some people maintain that the appalling refereeing cost England the Germany game – that is patently not true, because England only played a bit of football for three minutes before the interval (while Germany were having a little rest in a game they were obviously controlling) and they did have fifty minutes to render the referee’s mistake irrelevant. In the end it was Germany who did that.
Others have mentioned that “Gerrard was ineffective on the wing” – he spent all game choosing to shoot badly from distance with three men in front of him in the box, which has nothing to do with playing out of position and more to do with being a bad footballer. And since when has Gerrard been England’s star player, capable of saving a whole game?
A lot of fans – and so-called experts – are expressing surprise that such “world class” players could have played such an awful game today. First of all, that was not the first awful game from an England team, and especially not from this England team. Secondly, who is “world class”? Milner, Barry, Upson, Wright-Phillips, Johnson and Heskey have never demonstrated anything which suggests they could be good enough to play in the quarter-finals of a world cup (which is why they didn't get there).
Johnson, Terry and Upson were pathetic in the first goal, Johnson was wholly to blame with two awful mistakes in the second and Barry was fleeced in the fourth. Upson’s goal hardly saves him from criticism – he jumped with his eyes closed and the ball hit him, as opposed to the other way round. Even then it took some awful goalkeeping before the ball went in.
There are some players on the team who play reasonably good football, among them Frank Lampard. However, he is the player who took most shots on goal in the whole of the 2006 tournament and didn’t score any goals. He did something similar this time, missing every shot he took, but today he did something even worse – the enduring image of Germany’s third goal is that of Lampard with his arms in the air as a German player scampers past him with the ball, followed by Lampard hanging around on the edge of the England area and totally ignoring Muller in what is generally known as acres of space.
Of course if you put rubbish players on the pitch, you get rubbish football. But this is only half the story. This is what needs doing:
• English xenophobia and arrogance, which is typical among fans, must be eradicated from football – this is the first and most important point and is the one where everyone will stop reading. That just proves the point.
• The media, from the joke that is the BBC to the shower that is ITV, from the unintelligent clichés and sycophancy of Lineker, Hansen and Shearer to the illiterate newspaper hacks, must be silenced as soon as they start hyping each new incarnation of England as anything remotely resembling a first class football team. England are quarter-final material at best.
• The fans have to accept that the English are no good at football. Anyone still reading this is bound to protest here – ok, so what have we won? One dodgy world cup and no Euros. End of. Just because every bar-propping pundit from London to Shanghai licks the Premier League’s arse does not make English football any better.
• Then and only then can we start talking about technique and youth development and everything else. We need to sort the first points out first in order to teach our children these things. Technique is nothing with the wrong attitude.
Of course all this is irrelevant, because nothing is going to be done. And the same thing will happen next time. And the time after that. And all the pundits will be so surprised. And anyone with a modicum of common sense will see stupid Johnny English approach another tournament with his army of obese, beer-swilling, hooligan fans and his illiterate journalists and his idiot sports minister and all their predictions and clean up at the bookies.
Some people maintain that the appalling refereeing cost England the Germany game – that is patently not true, because England only played a bit of football for three minutes before the interval (while Germany were having a little rest in a game they were obviously controlling) and they did have fifty minutes to render the referee’s mistake irrelevant. In the end it was Germany who did that.
Others have mentioned that “Gerrard was ineffective on the wing” – he spent all game choosing to shoot badly from distance with three men in front of him in the box, which has nothing to do with playing out of position and more to do with being a bad footballer. And since when has Gerrard been England’s star player, capable of saving a whole game?
A lot of fans – and so-called experts – are expressing surprise that such “world class” players could have played such an awful game today. First of all, that was not the first awful game from an England team, and especially not from this England team. Secondly, who is “world class”? Milner, Barry, Upson, Wright-Phillips, Johnson and Heskey have never demonstrated anything which suggests they could be good enough to play in the quarter-finals of a world cup (which is why they didn't get there).
Johnson, Terry and Upson were pathetic in the first goal, Johnson was wholly to blame with two awful mistakes in the second and Barry was fleeced in the fourth. Upson’s goal hardly saves him from criticism – he jumped with his eyes closed and the ball hit him, as opposed to the other way round. Even then it took some awful goalkeeping before the ball went in.
There are some players on the team who play reasonably good football, among them Frank Lampard. However, he is the player who took most shots on goal in the whole of the 2006 tournament and didn’t score any goals. He did something similar this time, missing every shot he took, but today he did something even worse – the enduring image of Germany’s third goal is that of Lampard with his arms in the air as a German player scampers past him with the ball, followed by Lampard hanging around on the edge of the England area and totally ignoring Muller in what is generally known as acres of space.
Of course if you put rubbish players on the pitch, you get rubbish football. But this is only half the story. This is what needs doing:
• English xenophobia and arrogance, which is typical among fans, must be eradicated from football – this is the first and most important point and is the one where everyone will stop reading. That just proves the point.
• The media, from the joke that is the BBC to the shower that is ITV, from the unintelligent clichés and sycophancy of Lineker, Hansen and Shearer to the illiterate newspaper hacks, must be silenced as soon as they start hyping each new incarnation of England as anything remotely resembling a first class football team. England are quarter-final material at best.
• The fans have to accept that the English are no good at football. Anyone still reading this is bound to protest here – ok, so what have we won? One dodgy world cup and no Euros. End of. Just because every bar-propping pundit from London to Shanghai licks the Premier League’s arse does not make English football any better.
• Then and only then can we start talking about technique and youth development and everything else. We need to sort the first points out first in order to teach our children these things. Technique is nothing with the wrong attitude.
Of course all this is irrelevant, because nothing is going to be done. And the same thing will happen next time. And the time after that. And all the pundits will be so surprised. And anyone with a modicum of common sense will see stupid Johnny English approach another tournament with his army of obese, beer-swilling, hooligan fans and his illiterate journalists and his idiot sports minister and all their predictions and clean up at the bookies.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
First round over...
One of the great World Cup traditions has been alive and healthy in South Africa, that of cheap punters and hacks bandying about definitive statements and superlatives after only a couple of matches have been played. But now the first round is over, 48 of the 63 games have been played and the initial 32 teams have been reduced to 16, what impressions have the round left us?
First of all, the vuvuzelas are awful. All the pre-tournament criticism, particularly from the Spanish, appeared to be the typical lack of sensitivity towards different cultures; after all, is the CAN not the most colourful and noisiest tournament in the world? It soon became apparent, however, that those horns ruin the atmosphere. They drown out the organic texture of crowd noise with the effect that the game just seems boring. Towards the end of the game, when lungs are fading, the noise simply consists of a series of insolent, raucous blasts. In conclusion, it is as if the whole tournament has been played at Millwall.
As useless as the drone of the horns are the pundits’ predictions. Of course only one African team has gone through – clichés about “the African tournament” do nothing to hide the fact that again the Eurocentric hacks believe African teams are good because each one has a couple of people playing in the Premier League. They choose to ignore the nine mediocre footballers who play alongside the stars.
Of course the so-called big European teams have struggled. France have been in disarray for years; the only reason Domenech has survived so long as coach is because the team fluked its way to the final in the last World Cup. Of course England are struggling – the majority of English footballers are average at best, in spite of the belief among English journalists that the team should win every major trophy. Obviously Italy went out – they are old and predictable, and if they get just one referee who understands how the Italians play they lose the one crutch that has held them up so many times before. Obviously Spain are struggling too – they are perennial bottlers and they only won the last EC because Holland, Russia, Germany, the Czech Republic and Turkey all decided to stop playing before the end. Mourinho showed how simple it can be to tackle Xavi, Iniesta doesn’t have the mentality of Beckenbauer or Butcher when it comes to knocks and Casillas lost his mojo a couple of seasons back. Pujol is old and unfit, Torres is petulant and unreliable and Ramos has no right to be anywhere near a national team. In the end of course they cheated to go through, with Torres tripping himself up and Piqué behaving as disgracefully as only a Spanish footballer can.
Of course Japan and Chile and all the other “little teams” have done well – just because they don’t feature in the Premier League’s Big Four doesn’t mean to say they are rubbish. Have any of those hacks looked at the statistics for each country? Have any of the cheap punters considered anything other than pub quiz clichés? Evidently not.
Of course the statistics leave one thing clear – no team from outside Europe or South America has ever contested a final. Brazil have been in seven finals, winning five times. Germany have been in seven finals too, winning three of them. Argentina have been in four finals, winning twice. (Italy have played in six finals, winning four of them, but two of those wins were way back in the 1930s, and anyway, they entered this tournament in chaos.) The winner will almost certainly come from South America, with the possible exception of Germany.
As for the next round…Uruguay, USA, Holland, Brazil, Argentina, Japan, Portugal and…England…
First of all, the vuvuzelas are awful. All the pre-tournament criticism, particularly from the Spanish, appeared to be the typical lack of sensitivity towards different cultures; after all, is the CAN not the most colourful and noisiest tournament in the world? It soon became apparent, however, that those horns ruin the atmosphere. They drown out the organic texture of crowd noise with the effect that the game just seems boring. Towards the end of the game, when lungs are fading, the noise simply consists of a series of insolent, raucous blasts. In conclusion, it is as if the whole tournament has been played at Millwall.
As useless as the drone of the horns are the pundits’ predictions. Of course only one African team has gone through – clichés about “the African tournament” do nothing to hide the fact that again the Eurocentric hacks believe African teams are good because each one has a couple of people playing in the Premier League. They choose to ignore the nine mediocre footballers who play alongside the stars.
Of course the so-called big European teams have struggled. France have been in disarray for years; the only reason Domenech has survived so long as coach is because the team fluked its way to the final in the last World Cup. Of course England are struggling – the majority of English footballers are average at best, in spite of the belief among English journalists that the team should win every major trophy. Obviously Italy went out – they are old and predictable, and if they get just one referee who understands how the Italians play they lose the one crutch that has held them up so many times before. Obviously Spain are struggling too – they are perennial bottlers and they only won the last EC because Holland, Russia, Germany, the Czech Republic and Turkey all decided to stop playing before the end. Mourinho showed how simple it can be to tackle Xavi, Iniesta doesn’t have the mentality of Beckenbauer or Butcher when it comes to knocks and Casillas lost his mojo a couple of seasons back. Pujol is old and unfit, Torres is petulant and unreliable and Ramos has no right to be anywhere near a national team. In the end of course they cheated to go through, with Torres tripping himself up and Piqué behaving as disgracefully as only a Spanish footballer can.
Of course Japan and Chile and all the other “little teams” have done well – just because they don’t feature in the Premier League’s Big Four doesn’t mean to say they are rubbish. Have any of those hacks looked at the statistics for each country? Have any of the cheap punters considered anything other than pub quiz clichés? Evidently not.
Of course the statistics leave one thing clear – no team from outside Europe or South America has ever contested a final. Brazil have been in seven finals, winning five times. Germany have been in seven finals too, winning three of them. Argentina have been in four finals, winning twice. (Italy have played in six finals, winning four of them, but two of those wins were way back in the 1930s, and anyway, they entered this tournament in chaos.) The winner will almost certainly come from South America, with the possible exception of Germany.
As for the next round…Uruguay, USA, Holland, Brazil, Argentina, Japan, Portugal and…England…
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